A Valentine for Mrs Obama and her Lunch Police

You’ll forgive me if I don’t bow or genuflect when people speak of the President’s wife as  “The First Lady.”  I call her Mrs Obama and the reason is this: that’s her name.

I can’t find the wife of the President of the United States mentioned anywhere in The Constitution as a federal official, let alone as “the First Lady.”  So I think it odd that a lot of people seem to believe that Mrs Obama should have any more knowledge or judgement, not to mention power, than any other man’s wife or girlfriend or main squeeze–as in the case of Mr. Clinton, former White House temp.

Besides, I have my own first “First Lady.”  A lot of men do, especially on Valentine’s Day.  Mine’s my wife.

I feel a little sorry for Mrs Obama today. She’s probably going to need another one of those 50 million $$ vacations because of the flap.  It seems her lunch police have confiscated the contents of a sweet little North Carolina kindergarten girl’s lunch box.

Here’s the President’s wife with an army  (probably highly paid union members who will retire with $2,000,000.00 pensions just like the school teachers)  trained to rifle the contents of every kid in North Carolina’s lunch box.

Look, Mrs Obama, a lot of Americans put up with being frisked by your airport cops, but four-year-olds’ lunch boxes?  Can you imagine how that poor little kid felt when she had to stand there in front of all the other little kids and watch your food cops strip search and diss her mama’s lovingly prepared lunch?  And it wasn’t even bad food–a nice turkey and cheese sandwich, a banana, some apple juice, and a little bag of potato chips for God’s sake!

C’mon Mrs Obama. Lots of Americans have body image problems. Why project your own  on little kids in North Carolina? Keep it to yourself or take it to a shrink where it belongs.  It’d be a lot cheaper.

Plus, you could send your highly trained professional lunch police to the southern borders of Arizona to inspect the lunch bags of the people coming across in droves from Mexico every day.  Arizona could use them there. Ask the governor.

And look at what you actually did to yourself in North Carolina. You radicalized a sweet little four-year-old–and you really hacked off her mom, didn’t you?

Fortunately, you also made them rich and famous.  I’d bet dollars to (pardon the expression) doughnuts that the sweet little girl’s mom right now is planning to spend the money she gets from all the talk shows she’s going to be seen on. And she’ll spend it on a good private school (Who knows, maybe even a Catholic one?) where all the children are safe from you and your lunch cops.

If they put that lunch box on eBay today, it might be worth a small fortune.  There’s probably at least one Chinese lunch box manufacturer salivating to sell us eight million little commemorative “North Carolina Confiscation” school lunch boxes, with that little girl’s sweet smile and name on it. Then there’s the bumper stickers and the book contract.

Twenty five years from now there will be eight million of those lunch boxes, saved by eight million little kids and their moms and dads and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends because they have a story to tell.

Yours, Mrs Obama. And it won’t be flattering. You think they’re going to vote for you when it’s your turn to run for President?